Jujubees' Journal

It’s a Dog’s Life

I have a lot to blog about so I need to get busy.  I didn’t want to tell you that last August I decided it was better to find another home for my dog Trixie.  I can’t really explain all the reasons why, but I know it was the right thing to do.  She is a wonderful dog, but after I moved to my new place things sort of went downhill with me and Trixie.  She was stressed out being alone which is something I am not sure she had ever really experienced before.  I was gone a lot and she needed a lot of activity and company.  It seemed to me she was not very happy with the new arrangement and I wasn’t either.  I had a lot of guilt for not playing with her enough and walking her almost constantly as she needed.  She is an active dog and while I was living with my kids she was happy and there were no issues.  Alone, things were a bit different.  I was also traveling a lot and this was stressing her out.  So alas, we parted ways.  She is with another family now and I am hopeful she is much happier.

Ironically, the other day I happened to go check out a dog that a friend of mine told me about.  Something drove me to do it.  The dog was a male five-year-old chihuahua at a local shelter here in town.  My little dog Paco was the love of my life for a very long time.  I think people either love chihuahua’s or NOT.  I happen to love them.  When I met this little dog I knew right away he was perfect for me because I have learned what the criteria is for me owning a dog now that my circumstances have changed.  The dog is a male submissive.  His name is Romeo.  There is a very good reason for the name since he seems to have the same lust for stuffed animals that Paco used to have, meaning he enjoys a good humping.  I bought him a little stuffed raccoon today and he has already tried to hump it despite it being very small.  He also gets excited when he looks at me and it’s um…obvious.  He’s a lover.  So even though I toyed with changing his name to something else, I decided to keep his name as Romeo.

It’s difficult for me to admit that things with Trixie didn’t work out, but life goes on and now I have another dog that I think is a better match for my new life.  Two of my kids were here visiting last week when I brought the dog home and they love him.  My daughter is the type who loves all dogs no matter what, but my oldest son is sorta picky about dogs.  He loved Romeo, so I knew that was a good sign.  Now I have a little dog in my life to comfort me when I come home from work.  I can hold him and snuggle with him and recover from the day.

I really can’t explain this to you, but I am feeling like someone is watching over me.  The series of events that have unfolded in my life recently are a little astounding.  I have a feeling inside that my journey of relocation is not over yet.  I have truly been fortunate because I no longer have my house to worry about.  It is sold.  The timing of the sale couldn’t have been better. I wish I could share more with you about why it was such perfect timing for me, but that’s not possible.  Even my kids don’t have a grasp of the things that are happening with me.  Although there continues to be bumps and divots along my path, things seem to be leading me in a direction that I need to go.  I am trying to “let go and let God.”  That’s just a saying and not a statement that I believe in a God, but in reality it echoes what my life has evolved into.  I am learning to let go.

I don’t have a good picture of Romeo yet, but I have this one.  I have a new camera and I plan to take some pictures with it when I get it set up.  I’m sorta slow at doing things if you haven’t noticed.  Well, keep on keeping on and take it easy.

And then there was Sunday…

I know I’ve been neglecting my duties as a blogger. Damn, but I’m lazy sometimes. After the last restoration, and no that is not a religious reference, I guess I sorta got lazy or lazier. I work 8 hours, and if you count prep time and chill time…it adds up to more than 8 full hours plus 30 minutes for lunch. I guess I spend about 10 hours per day getting ready for work and finishing up work before I come home at night. After that, I sit around and my mind is kinda dead for a while. I don’t have one of those jobs where I go to work and do mindless tasks. I have one of those “people” jobs and it’s very high energy. People are so needy! LOL

Anyway, the evenings have not been the “I can’t wait to get home and blog” evenings for quite some time. I get home and turn on the television and watch John Stewart and Stephen Colbert. I have to DVR those shows, since they air when I’m sleeping. I watch them the next day.  I eat some food and sit for a couple of hours after that and go to sleep soon afterward so that I can go back to work the next morning. Weekends I’ve been going on a three hour drive each way to visit friends and family. When I stay home for the weekend I wake up and think…Good lord I don’t feel like doing anything.  So my blog, as much as I love it, sits here waiting for me.

I admit that since my friend “C” died, the motivation to write has taken a vacation. I knew each day how much he looked forward to my blog entries. He wrote me at least daily, if not more than that, to let me know how anxious he was. I’m thinking he was my soul mate since he accepted me no matter what I did or said and I felt completely understood by him. My love for him made me want to blog for him. Not that I don’t love all of you as well…but “C” and I had something different. A very unconventional relationship.  He is taking care of me still, even though he’s gone, and I can’t explain how or why I know that. The pain of his loss is lessening now, but the kick in the ass I needed to get me blogging is absent.

This weekend I stayed home.  I have had a lot on my mind. I have been thinking of applying for work back in the state where I used to live. I miss my friends and my kids. I like my job here, but I feel alone sometimes and I’m not sure that’s the best thing for me all the time. It’s good sometimes, but not always.  I’m a little torn about it honestly.  I have friends here, but it’s not the same. So instead of working on the blog this weekend I did work on my resume.  I feel I am on some path with this work thing and I’m not sure where I”m headed.  I’m leaving a lot of it up to fate.

Yesterday I got a great email from someone who just discovered my blog and I must say it sparked me to write again. It seems people are still discovering the blog and the many archives. It gives me a little push when they give me praise and tell me how much they enjoy it.  Hopefully that will help motivate me. I think I have another chapter of fiction ready to edit, but it just sits and waits.  Part of the issue is a broken laptop that needs fixing.  Writing is not as easy with the way I have things rigged computer wise.  Damn…lazy, lazy, lazy.

I hope you are having a terrific weekend.

DungeonPlace

I visited Jouvarti and Tutivillus this weekend. It was the second weekend in a row I got to see them. Woot! I also got to have a play date this weekend and do some excellent shopping (more to come on that). What a great weekend. I sure miss living near my friends. More good news is that we recorded a new podcast. I haven’t listened to it yet, but I was fortunate enough to participate and see all my Podcast friends again. If you want to listen and hear me and several others discuss kink, here you go…

DungeonPlace Episode 50

Enjoy! I’m sending good karma your way!

Here Again

Sorry for losing some of your comments when I restored the blog from a previous backup. I have some serious work to do to tighten security and I will work on that over the weekend when I get home again. I visited Tutivillus and Jouvarti last weekend and I’m going to see them again this weekend. I also have a cool scene planned this trip as well. Life has really been interesting the last couple of weeks, there have been twists and turns taking me in different directions. Just when I think things are going well, someone bonks me on the head to remind me not to be so damn optimistic. I can’t begin to tell you everything running through my devious mind about what I would like to do to those nasty hackers. Take it easy! More to come soon.

The Jacksons 33

New Year…

I see my blog survived through the New Year.  That’s awesome!  I had a great holiday season.  A couple of my kids came to visit and we had some fun.  Since then some other positive things have also happened for me, so things are definitely looking up as this year starts off.  My mind is constantly churning with new ideas.  I have to be careful not be impulsive.  I need to take my time and think things through before making decisions.  It’s important.  Wish me luck.  In other words I’ll cut to the chase — I’m thinking of moving from my expensive apartment to something cheaper because I hate paying so much rent.  Can I just say, this economy sucks?

Did any of you make any New Years resolutions?  I have to confess that I didn’t.  I’m not too keen on the whole resolution thing.  Last year was a pretty rough year for me.  I made a lot of big changes.  I moved to a new state and took a new job.  So far, that’s working out very well for me.  My house is sold and I am fully relocated.  My kids are on their own and after a lot of adjusting, they seem to be doing OK right now.  Fingers crossed.  I figured out there are kinky people living in this area, and who knew?  Surprise, surprise, surprise.  (Any Gomer Pyle fans out there?)

I have taken up several new hobbies this past year and I like them a lot.  I have a new vehicle called Buck the Truck, and I’m bonding with him.  Good ole Bucky is turning out to be awesome.  He carried me safely through a bad snowstorm a month or so ago with his 4 wheel drive.  Without him, it would have been a grim ride.  Yessir, things seem to keep getting better for me.  Well, the laundry is calling me so I will sign off.  Take it easy and here’s to all of us having a great year!  Go 2012.

It’s the most blunderful time of the year…

Hello, hello, hellooo.

I really hope all of you have a great holiday.  I plan to spend the weekend with my daughter.  She’s coming to visit me for Christmas.  Yay!

I wanted to get more fiction posted on the site, but my life has not allowed time for that.  It’s on the way though, hopefully soon.  I can’t do much of my own stuff when my daughter is here.  She’s the type that wants and needs constant attention.  I’ll be exhausted by the time she leaves, but I’m still excited to see her.

This is the first Christmas I will not be with all of my kids.  It makes me sad because we had some great times together.  Although some of my siblings invited me to come for a visit, I respectfully declined.  I’m pissed at my dad because I found out he didn’t send any Christmas money to my kids, but he did to some money to some of his other grandkids.  He remembered to send ME a little cash…out of obligation maybe?   Should I feel honored to have made the cut?  Ahhhh, enough of that shit.  This is supposed to be a happy time, right?  Ho ho ho, and Merry Christmas.

I have noticed this year that the world is struggling.  My heart goes out to all who are jobless and homeless.  There are a number of people I know who are basically skipping Christmas this year, it’s too expensive.  Sometimes I wish there really was a Santa Claus and that he could make everything OK.  No wonder kids love to believe in him.  As I grow older and more cynical, I sometimes wish I could still feel some of that magic.  I loved the anticipation of waking up on Christmas morning and finding gifts waiting there for me.  I think back to all of the fighting we did as kids when we finally got a chance to play the new games we got.  Only one person could win.  Not fair!

I am always fascinated that certain parts of our lives become fond memories and while we are experiencing them we have no idea.  Love to you all!

The Jacksons 32

Ice Puddles

Last weekend I went for a drive to the lake and it was beginning to freeze over. When I saw the crusted ice it reminded me of when I was young. When we would walk to and from school the puddles would all have a crust of ice over them. We would take time to slide across them. The cold didn’t bother us and when our breath came out in white clouds we pretended we were smoking cigarettes. We practiced inhaling and exhaling and we sometimes used twigs for props.

When we got home from school the house was always toasty warm and sometimes our mother was making homemade soup or baking cookies. Home was a haven from the cold. We ignored our mother most of the time other than to let her know we were there. I don’t remember her asking about our day, and if she did, I was suspicious or afraid that I had done something wrong and the school had called her. There were no welcome home hugs from her, but that didn’t matter. We knew our mom was busy and that she loved us.  Our family wasn’t prone to hugging.  The only hugging that I remember taking place was when someone was crying.

The television was waiting for us downstairs and we raced to change our clothes so we could go watch it. It was the afternoon reruns of Gilligan’s Island and the Brady Bunch that I remember most, but there must have been other shows before and after. We would lay pm the floor or couch watching television until it was time to eat dinner, or go help set the table, and after dinner we did our homework. The house felt different after dinner because it was dark outside and our dad was home.

Sometimes it’s amazing what sort of memories crusted over ice can trigger.